The Art and Science behind
The Power of Love

Step 15 – Asking others for their forgiveness. It requires that you admit to yourself that you did something thoughtless or selfish that hurt another, even if you didn’t intend to hurt them. This is one of the more difficult and uncomfortable things to do in life. People rarely do it. Strangely, people are usually more than happy to forgive something you did when you ask for forgiveness. It shows them that you care about their feelings, and that feels very loving.
Step 16 – Asking for Unconditional Love From Self and Others – How would you feel if someone you were close to came up to you and said, “We have a good relationship, now I would like to invite you to have an unconditional relationship with me”? Would you feel offended? Most people take that invitation as a wonderful compliment. So why don’t people go around asking for something each and every one of us would love to have: unconditionally loving relationships? Yes, it takes work, but isn’t it a great direction, a great goal to move toward, with someone you feel close to?
Step 17 – Unconditional Love Team – Forming Your Own Loving Community – We have been encouraging you from the beginning to develop your own unconditional community. You have probably invited some people already, but stopped at ‘difficult people’. People who are not easy to be with or talk to. Well guess what, if they are part of your life, they affect the quality of your life. And they probably could use a good dose of love, from themselves and others. Have you shared the list of your loveable qualities? Or the communication tools? Let them be part of your journey, and when you begin to see some growth – invite them to have an unconditional relationship with you.
Step 18 – Affection with Others – Touch – Giving and Receiving – In Europe and South America, men kiss each other hello and goodbye, hug each other, and even walk arm in arm. That is a true sign of feeling comfortable being a man. Being affectionate with another man. Women are way ahead when it comes to being affectionate, but that is because both Mom and Dad kissed them all through their lives, but not their son. Dad stopped when he was 5 years old, perhaps even sooner. Sad, and necessary for us to become aware of and overcome. In our society physical affection between spouses and with children is in short supply. Try massaging the shoulders of people you care about. Most are stressed out and will really appreciate it.
Step 19 – Self-Affection and Self-Healing – Self-Massage – Tiffany Field proved, working with premature infants, just how nourishing touch is. Now she is working with adults and self-massage. Moderate pressure can lower production of the stress hormone cortisol, reduce heart rate and blood pressure, and decrease anxiety, as well as reducing pain and stiffness, as well as increasing range of motion for OA, RA and fibromyalgia. Show your love to yourself by massaging your shoulders, your temples, your hands, your feet, and anything that’s sore. Just as good for prevention, so make a daily habit of it while watching TV or before going to sleep. Soon you will be massaging others, and they might just return the favor.

Step 20 – How to Love Through Anger and Pain – Our inability to be angry and loving at the same time injures us and damages our relationships. This step combines all the elements you learned into one enormously powerful behavior. Most people presently do not possess it, and don’t even believe it is possible. But it is. We can be angry, disappointed, hurt by someone’s behavior – by something they said or did – and be clear that it was done by a person we care about, who probably cares about us. We have to stay cognizant of that fact. That they care AND what they did hurt us and is not acceptable. By having learned self-love, and no longer being solely dependent on others for love, we can have the self-control necessary to think what is best for us and the relationship, rather than simply react out of pain.

Step 21 – Random Acts of Kindness – Passing Love Forward – We have all heard about random acts of kindness, but not about the beneficial effects it has on our own nervous system and our own level of stress. For no reason; 1. hold a door or elevator; 2. say “Good morning” or “How are you?” to strangers and co-workers; 3. give a dollar to someone who is asking for it; 4. pick up a cup or paper lying on the floor and dispose of it; 5. give a compliment; 6. let someone ahead of you on a line: there are hundreds of things you can do. The more unexpected, the more others will appreciate it. Making another person’s day has serious benefits on your own outlook on life, and even more importantly, how much you like yourself. It really nourishes you!